Pretend Best Friend

The odds have built up of the chance you’re going down’Cos you’re looking pretty guilty in the court of the crownAnd my friend’s getting eager to complete this missionIt’s better all round just to sign the confessionDoesn’t matter if you’re innocent or guilty as hellMy friend’s got a feeling that you’re feeling unwellWho cares about the truth, the truth’s there to bendDo as I say I’m your only friendThe wicked step father that took a step fartherPlayed the patron saint in his shining armourWith his sword of power and shield to protect youTongue hanging out ‘cos he’s going to get youYou know I want to hug you, you know I want to kiss youI’t’s your dear old pop and you know I really miss youIn the pantomime of life look out he’s behind youSays no I’m just here to remind youBest friend I’m all that you’ve gotPretend best friend if you like it or notPretend best friend so don’t talk to themYou’ve got to talk to me ‘cos I’m your best friendCall yourself a friendThat drives me round the bendYou call me when you likeAnd call me what you likeWas it the father or the son or the holy ghostThe butler in the kitchen or the gameshow hostThe policeman on the corner who’ll show you the wayThe geezer with a beard comes on Xmas dayCould be your mother or your father or your sister or your brotherDoesn’t matter who it is they’ll say there ain’t no otherMight never see ’em or you meet them every dayBut who gives a damn when you hear them say*love, maya*

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